How to Support Kids in Communicating About Stress and Anxiety

Brigid McCormick
Oct 22
2 min read

A girl holding a teddy bear sits opposite a woman with a clipboard in a cozy room with colorful toys on shelves, creating a calm atmosphere.

"I'm fine."

If I had a dollar for every time a clearly-not-fine child told me they were fine, I could fund my own research study.

Here's what I've learned: when kids say "fine," they're not lying. They're telling us something important about their capacity to communicate about their inner world at that moment.

Why Kids Struggle to Communicate About Stress

Developmental Factors Young brains are still developing the neural pathways that connect emotions to language. What feels overwhelming might literally not have words yet.

Safety Concerns Kids sense when we're anxious about their anxiety. They often shut down to protect us (and themselves) from more stress.

Past Experiences If sharing feelings previously led to being dismissed or having problems immediately "fixed," kids learn that sharing isn't safe.

Overwhelm When stress hormones are high, language centers go offline. Kids might genuinely not be able to access words.

Creating Conditions for Communication

Man and boy sit on a hallway floor in a school, talking. The man is wearing glasses and a green shirt. Coats hang in the background.

Start with Connection, Not Questions Before asking how someone feels, establish that you're safe to feel feelings around. Sit quietly together, do a parallel activity, or simply say "I'm here with you."

Use Indirect Approaches Sometimes kids communicate about stress more easily when not directly asked:

"I wonder if your character in this story is feeling nervous"
"Some kids your age tell me they worry about..."
"I noticed you seemed different today"

Follow Their Lead If a child starts to share, resist probing deeper immediately. Let them control the pace.

Practical Communication Strategies

The Feelings Scale "On a scale of 1-10, how big is that worried feeling?" Numbers can feel

less vulnerable than words.

Third-Person Perspective "A kid I know was worried about..." allows children to share without initially claiming ownership.

Multiple Communication Channels Some kids communicate better through drawing, writing, or play than talking.

Age-Appropriate Approaches

Teacher smiling at a student in a classroom. Students writing at desks with red chairs. Bright, open setting promotes a positive mood.

Elementary (5-10): Use simple feeling words, body-based language, books and play for indirect discussion.

Middle School (11-13): Respect privacy needs, offer multiple communication options, don't take emotional intensity personally.

High School (14-18): Treat them as experts on their experience, ask permission before advising, respect autonomy while staying available.

Common Communication Mistakes

Rapid-fire questioning (feels like interrogation)
Jumping to solutions before understanding
Getting emotionally escalated yourself
Making comparisons to other kids

Building Long-Term Communication Skills

Model emotional communication yourself: "I'm feeling frustrated about this traffic, so I'm taking some deep breaths."

Create regular check-in times and celebrate attempts at sharing, even imperfect ones.

Remember: the goal isn't getting kids to communicate like adults. It's helping them develop authentic ways of sharing when they're ready with people who feel safe.