Understanding Executive Function Skills: What They Are and Why They Matter for Learning
- Brigid McCormick
- Nov 13
- 5 min read
Let's start with a scenario you've probably lived through a hundred times.
Your child sits down to do homework. You've set up everything they need. Books, pencils, a quiet space. They know what they're supposed to do. But 20 minutes later, they're still sitting there. Staring at the page. Fidgeting. Getting up for water. Starting and stopping. Getting frustrated.
Meanwhile, that same child spent three hours yesterday building an elaborate world in Minecraft. Completely focused. Totally engaged. No reminders needed.
So what's the difference? Is it motivation? Laziness? Just not caring about school?
Nope. It's an executive function.
What Executive Function Skills Actually Are
Executive function has become one of those buzzwords that gets thrown around a lot. Teachers mention it. Articles reference it. But what does it actually mean in real life?
Some experts say there are 3 executive function categories. Some list 5 or 7 or even 13 functions. We like to keep it simple by breaking executive function skills down into three areas: thinking, feeling, and doing.
Thinking skills are the mental work you do before, during, and after a task. This includes:
Planning what you need to do and how you'll do it
Organizing your materials, your thoughts, and your approach
Problem solving when something doesn't work
Working memory, holding information in your mind while you use it
Flexible thinking, adjusting when plans change
Feeling skills are about experiencing and managing what's happening emotionally:
Controlling impulses, not acting on every urge
Regulating emotions, managing how you feel so feelings don't take over
Self-monitoring, noticing how you're doing and adjusting
Doing skills are the action part of getting things done:
Task initiation, actually starting something
Sustained attention, sticking with it even when it's boring
Time management, knowing how long things take and pacing yourself
Now, these skills aren't clear-cut. You have to be able to think through a plan in order to manage your time effectively. But looking at the primary action required makes it easier to spot where your child needs support.
Why Video Games Are Easy But Homework Is Hard
Here's where executive function gets interesting. It's not that your child doesn't have these skills. It's that they can't always access them.
Think about video games. They're designed to work with your brain, not against it. They give you immediate feedback. Clear goals. Constant stimulation. Rewards every few minutes. The game itself provides all the structure and motivation.
Homework is the opposite. Your child has to create their own structure. Decide where to start. Push through boring parts. Delay gratification. Manage frustration when it's hard. Keep going even when they'd rather do anything else.
That takes massive amounts of executive function. And when those skills are still developing, it's exhausting.
This is why your child can focus on things they enjoy but struggles with things that require effort. It's not about caring or trying. It's about how much executive function load the task requires.
What Weak Executive Function Skills Look Like at Home
So how do you know if your child's struggles are really about executive function skills? Here's what it looks like in everyday life.
In the thinking category:
They don't know where to start on assignments, even simple ones
They forget what they were supposed to do, even if you just told them
They can't break big projects into smaller steps
They get stuck when their first approach doesn't work
They lose track of materials, assignments, and belongings constantly
In the feeling category:
They blurt out answers or interrupt without meaning to
Small frustrations turn into big meltdowns
They do things impulsively and regret it later
They can't tell when they're getting overwhelmed until they're already melting down
They have trouble bouncing back from mistakes or disappointments
In the doing category:
They procrastinate on everything, even things they want to do
They start strong but can't finish tasks
They have no sense of how long things take
They can't stay focused unless something is really interesting
They rush through work carelessly or take forever to complete simple tasks
If you're reading this and thinking "that's my child," you're not alone. Executive function skills develop slowly. They're some of the last brain skills to fully mature, often not until the mid-20s. Some kids' brains just need more time and more support.
What Weak Executive Function Skills Look Like at School
At school, weak executive function skills show up in ways that often get mislabeled as behavior problems or lack of effort.
Teachers say things like "not working to potential" or "easily distracted" or "needs to apply themselves more." But what they're actually seeing is executive function gaps.
A child who understands math but can't show their work on paper. That's organization and working memory.
A child who knows the material but bombs tests. That's emotional regulation under pressure and flexible thinking when questions are worded differently.
A child who never writes down assignments or constantly forgets materials. That's working memory and task initiation.
A child who rushes through tests and makes careless mistakes. That's impulse control and self-monitoring.
The work might look careless or lazy, but it's not. It's a child whose executive function skills can't keep up with what's being asked of them.
The Good News About Executive Function Skills
Here's what you need to know: executive function skills can be built.
They're not fixed. Your child isn't stuck with weak executive function forever. These skills develop with practice, support, and the right strategies.
The key is understanding where your child needs help and giving them tools that actually work. Not just telling them to "focus more" or "be more organized." That's like telling someone to be taller. They need specific support for the specific skills they're missing.
Sometimes that means breaking tasks into smaller steps. Sometimes it means external structure until they can build internal structure. Sometimes it means teaching them how to notice when they're getting overwhelmed before they fall apart.
And sometimes it means giving them breaks that actually help their brain reset and refocus.
Building Executive Function Skills Without Adding More Work
You don't always need a formal program or expensive therapy to help your child build executive function skills. You need practical strategies that fit into real life.
That's why we created the Brain Breaks & Focus Boosters Activity Cards. These are simple 5-10 minute activities that build executive function skills disguised as fun. Your child won't feel like they're doing work. They'll just be playing games and doing challenges. But each activity targets specific thinking, feeling, or doing skills.
Some build working memory. Some strengthen impulse control. Some practice flexible thinking or sustained attention. All of them give your child's brain a break from the hard work of self-management while actually strengthening those exact skills.
Because here's the thing: you can't build executive function skills by forcing a child to use skills they don't have yet. You build them by practicing in low-stakes, engaging ways. Then gradually increase the challenge as skills get stronger.
What to Do Next
Start paying attention to where your child struggles. Is it mostly thinking skills? Feeling skills? Doing skills? Once you can see the pattern, you can target your support.
And remember: weak executive function skills aren't about your child being difficult or unmotivated. They're about a developing brain that needs time, practice, and support to build these complex skills.
Your child isn't broken. They're not lazy. They just need help building the mental management system that makes everything else possible.
Free Resource: Brain Breaks & Focus Boosters Activity Cards
15 simple activities (5-10 minutes each) that build executive function skills disguised as fun. Each card targets specific thinking, feeling, or doing skills your child needs. No pressure, no worksheets, just engaging activities that strengthen the brain's management system.
Want weekly strategies for building your child's executive function and emotional skills?
Join our newsletter series where we break down complex topics into real-life examples and give you practical tools you can use right away. Real talk for parents navigating real struggles.
.png)
Comments